Although most parents would agree that their children are more important than their job, most usually get more on-the-job training than they do as a parent. As a Mother of seven once said, “The love is instinctual but the skills are not.”

A NATIONAL MOVEMENT

A 1990 study by fifteen of the nation’s largest youth organizations found that the United States has done poorly in solving the problems affecting today’s youth. There was broad agreement that the number-one solution to these problems was . . . better parents. As a result of their findings, the final report calls for a massive increase in parent education.

President Bush then released a statement of six national goals for education. The number-one goal states that “by the year 2000, all children in America will start school ready to learn.” To attain this goal “parents will have access to the training and support they need.”

President Bush’s comments represent a movement in thinking which places more value on the importance of a parent’s role in preparing children for school and life. It is encouraging to see that there is a growing awareness that families need support and education . . . in order to strengthen parents’ skills and prevent future problems.

SOCIETY HAS CHANGED

In the past, when parents had questions about child-rearing they would usually have an extended family member close by to ask advice. While some parents may have family close by, many admit that their elders’ advice on child-rearing often differs from current parenting information or their preferred style. This is a result of changes in our society over the past few decades:

Children are no longer “needed” to work side by side with their parents, like farmers’ children of the past. This helped children feel they had something important to contribute and taught them basic responsibility and life-management skills. Today, children search for ways to belong in the family and with peers, sometimes in unhealthy ways.

Superior/inferior family relationships are no longer being modeled by mothers and fathers. Women have equal rights and children feel equally unwilling to accept an inferior, submissive role in life. This change is healthy, in that all people do have a right to be treated with respect and dignity. It leaves many parents, however, with few role models or practical skills for achieving this goal.

Early on, children are being taught that they have rights: to their bodies, their feelings, and to be treated by others with dignity as a worthwhile human being.

As a result, power-and-control parenting techniques are no longer effective, because parents “talk down” to “inferior” children. This style, therefore, inherently violates a child’s right to be treated with respect, children recognize this, rebel and lose respect for the controlling parent. As our society became more affluent, many parents became more permissive and over-indulgent. Their children often grew up thinking the world owed them a living and they used their energy trying to get out of responsibilities.
Children are facing issues previous generations never had to face. It is important for parents to listen and communicate in open, respectful ways, so their children will feel safe in discussing their problems and feelings.

Although some of these societal changes have brought about positive results, they have left parents with few clear guidelines for how to raise this new generation of children into responsible adults.

EFFECTIVE, QUALITY PARENT EDUCATION

What it Isn’t . . .

Parent education does not focus on what parents are doing wrong or advocate never disciplining children, as many parents assume. It provides new options to parents and encourages them to respect their own rights, as well as their children’s.

Attending a parenting class is not a reflection of being a “bad” parent . . . it is an indication of a parent’s commitment to his/her children and role as a parent. The classes are not just for parents who are having severe problems with their children’s behavior. Many parents who attend classes want to feel more confident of their parenting and are looking for ways to prevent future problems and help their family get along cooperatively.

What it Is . . .

The most effective parenting classes are small, personal groups which provide opportunities for interaction among parents, practice of concepts and techniques learned, and individualized problem solving. Like most new skills, parents can benefit from ongoing reinforcement of what they have learned. Follow-up parent discussion groups, where parents can meet with others who have taken the class, provide an opportunity to continue applying the concepts to new situations.

MAKING THE COMMITMENT

Although professionals often recommend parenting classes, there are several issues which seem to prevent parents from joining these groups: finding a class, making the time commitment, and cost. All three really boil down to the underlying issue of priorities. If a parent looks at how much time and money he/she spends on business seminars, golf lessons, weekly fast food, or vacations, it makes sense to place a priority on attending a parenting class, which usually costs less than all of these! Parenting classes are an investment in your personal growth, your child’s future, and in future generations. Consider doing your part to make this world a better place for everyone’s children. Read a parenting book that gives trustworthy, accurate advice or check out your community’s resources for local parenting classes.

 

“Most children are raised by amateurs, not professionals.”

- Bryce’s Law

INTRODUCTION

Want to know what to expect of the work force in the years ahead? Look no farther

than our schools or homes. Let me preface my remarks by saying that in addition

to all of my other responsibilities, I was very active in my local Little League for a

number of years where I served as coach, umpire, and on the local board of

directors. Further, I have been very active locally in offering Masonic scholarships to

High School students. In addition, my wife has been active in the local school system

for the last ten years at the elementary, middle, and high school levels (this also

included PTA and SAC). Although we probably won’t win an award as the world’s

best parents, we made a point of becoming an important and influential part of our

children’s lives. We didn’t take any special courses in parenting, we just got

involved. But we are the exceptions as opposed to the rule.

Prior to World War II, the country was immersed in an economic depression which

put a strain on families and disrupted our society. Everyone in a family was expected

to pitch in and do their part in order to survive, this included going to school and their

place of worship. Some families suffered severe hardships during this period causing

children to drop out of school and go to work. They didn’t drop out as some form

of rebellion or protest, but to simply earn money to help support the family. Consequently,

many earned nothing higher than a Junior High diploma which was prized by many

families. The point is, there was a sense of family back then and the people’s hunger

built character. They understood the value of a dollar, worked hard and squandered

nothing. It was this generation that got us through the war and propelled the country

towards economic success in the latter part of the 20th century.

In the 1950′s and 1960′s, as the country was experiencing an economic boom, a parent

normally stayed at home to manage the family, usually the wife. If a child

had a problem, a parent was always home to tend to their needs. Children no longer

had to drop out of school to support the family and our High Schools and Colleges

swelled with students. The “baby boomers” were considered well adjusted

and readily adapted to the work force. This generation saw us through the space

race and the technology revolution which changed the face of corporate America.

But in the last three decades, we began to lose faith in our economy and our

standard of living. As a result, both parents began to work inordinate hours and a

generation gap began to emerge. Exhausted by their work, the parents

would return home where the last thing they wanted to hear was their child’s

problems. Consequently, children became social outcasts in their own homes and

often had to fend for themselves; they simply couldn’t relate with their parents. Sure,

the parents would sign their kids up for Summer Camp, Little League and Soccer, but

this was viewed more as baby-sitting services as opposed to taking a true interest in

the child’s development. They would also give their kids television sets and video games

to occupy their time.

Today, school teachers have become surrogate parents by default, something

they weren’t trained for, nor inclined to accept. Talk to a teacher and you will hear

stories of lack of respect for authority, poor manners, and dysfunctional social

intercourse. Children today no longer learn their values from their parents

but rather from Hollywood. As young adults entering the work force, their work

ethic, values, and behavior are noticeably different than the prior generation. There

is no longer a sense of quality, service, or craftsmanship; just put in your time and

collect a paycheck. This is all having an adverse effect on how we conduct

business and the corporate culture.

Now, let me give you a the scary figure: probably 20%, or less, of today’s

graduating High School seniors are socially well adjusted.

Knowing this, what should you do as a manager?

THE NEED FOR PARENTING

In the past, if you were a new employee, it was assumed you knew how to manage

your personal life and you were expected to adapt to the corporate culture. This

is no longer true and presents a problem for managers. Younger employees today

have problems managing money, dressing appropriately, and interpersonal relations

and communications, not to mention alcohol, drugs, and sex. They are raw and rough. But

are they salvageable? They better be, for your company’s sake, as they represent

tomorrow’s work force.

Perhaps we can take a lesson from the military services here. The military is

well aware they are not getting the “cream of the crop” when they take on new

recruits. Many are social misfits coming from broken homes. As such, the

military’s initial role is to break the individual of bad habits and impose a new

system of discipline and work ethic. Individualism is replaced by teamwork and,

in the process, a sense of belonging and family is imposed. This is either readily

accepted by the new recruit or they are drummed out of the service. Discipline,

organization, teamwork, and a strong work ethic can have a dramatic affect on a

drifting soul. By doing so, it can bring order to lives and a sense of purpose,

something that perhaps was neglected at home.

Today’s Drill Instructors and junior officers also find themselves as surrogate parents

and are now instructed in counseling young soldiers. The boot camps of today are

a lot different than what the country experienced during World War II, Korea, and

Viet Nam. Yet, we are producing a fine class of soldiers which makes our country

proud. In other words, they must be doing something right.

If we have learned anything from the military in this regard, it is that the

times have changed and our employees today have different needs requiring

a new type of manager who can adequately tend to them. And like today’s

Drill Instructors and school teachers, managers are finding themselves in the

role of surrogate parents, like it or not. Managers bristle at this notion. After all,

they want to get on with their business and do not want to be regarded as a

baby-sitter. But the fact remains, home parenting skills are at an all-time low

and to overcome this problem, someone has to assume the duty to compensate

for this inadequacy. Again, the military readily understands this and has adapted

accordingly. But can business?

Understand this, corporate America’s “recruits” come predominantly from the

colleges and universities whose purpose is not to teach social skills, but rather,

to teach people how to learn. A college diploma most definitely does not

mean the graduate is socially well-adjusted, but that he/she has learned to study

and accept new ideas. If anything, the student’s extracurricular activities tell

more about a person’s personality than the degree itself. For example, participation

in team sports, club activities, or Greek life speaks volumes about a person’s

personality and social skills.

PAST EFFORTS
In the past, new corporate recruits underwent special training programs to learn how

the company conducts business. Sales people in particular had to undergo rigorous

training to learn how to present products and care for the customers. Workmen

underwent training to learn how to build quality products. However, such programs

have been slashed in recent times as a means for cutting costs (and will be the subject

of a future paper).

There was also a period where mentors were assigned to new employees to chaperone

them on their journey through the corporate world. Mentors were basically a

“Big Brother/Sister” program where senior employees would offer sage advice

to neophytes on adapting to the corporate world. But like the training programs,

mentoring is also being phased out.

Although mentoring and training programs were intended to develop the employee’s

skills and effectiveness from a corporate perspective, neither dwelled on the personal

problems of the employee.

Now that new employees are left to fend for themselves, a generation gap is emerging

in business. Managers from just about every job segment are frustrated with new

employees, and, likewise, new employees are frustrated with management. Whereas

managers lament how little is accomplished by new employees, new employees

complain how much time they are putting in at work. This highlights a significant

difference between the generations: whereas the new employees are watching the

clock, the managers are watching what is produced. The two are not synonymous,

but nobody has taught the young employees this yet. To the “newbies,” their time is

what is important, regardless if they produce anything worthwhile or not; to the manager,

it is just the opposite. Also, young people believe calling in sick is an acceptable form of

behavior. Where did they learn all this? On their own. It is a sad state of affairs when

the media has more influence over the values of our children than parents do. But

when adults abdicate parenting to the media, it is not entirely surprising.

So, what is needed? More training? Mentoring? Nope. Just some parenting. The sooner

corporations realize this, the sooner they can begin to develop mature and responsible

employees. Again, this is why the military now teaches its Drill Instructors basic

counseling techniques, so they can help new recruits find their way through life and become

a good soldier. It is most definitely not “baby-sitting” but, rather, a recognition that parents

have dropped the ball in their child’s development and someone has to pick up the

pieces in order for the newbie to realize their potential.

I do not claim to have a Ph.D. in parenting, but as I see it there are three primary

duties a parent needs to inculcate:



Role Model – first, a parent has to be a good role model with attributes their subordinates

want to aspire to attain. Role models are respected for their authority and become

a highly credible source of information and inspiration,



Teacher – second, a parent has to be able to teach, not just academic lessons but

those of life; e.g., morality, socialization, even finances (e.g., balancing a

checkbook, life insurance, etc.). It is the teacher who establishes the rules and

regulations of the classroom and, as such, is also the disciplinarian.



Guidance Counselor – third, parenting includes guiding others on their path through

life, explaining options and making recommendations.



Very important, a parent has to recognize they won’t have all of the answers, but

should know how to point someone in the right direction to get the answers they need.

Above all else, a parent has to care about the welfare of their offspring. I am not

suggesting corporate parents love their children like biological parents, but they

need to invest time in the person, believe in the person, and motivate them

accordingly, whether through kindness or a good swift kick in the rear. The

corporate parent has to also know when their work is complete and allow the

offspring to move on to the next stage of their corporate life.

The military has the advantage of written contracts and boot camps to

indoctrinate new recruits. Perhaps a corporate boot camp could be devised

and teach the same lessons as found in the military, such as:



Cause and effect, e.g., if you make a mistake, you know you will be penalized accordingly.



The value of good workmanship and its impact on others.



How to give and take an order.



Discipline and code of conduct.



Teamwork.



CONCLUSION

Companies today are at a loss coping with the newest generation of

workers. What they don’t realize is, it will get worse before it gets better. Since

most biological parents are content with allowing others to teach their children

the necessary values in life, teachers, the military and corporations are forced to

pick up the slack, like it or not. The sooner we admit this, the sooner we can address

how to remedy the situation. Whether this involves one-on-one counseling or a

boot camp type of environment, something has to be done to teach our newest wave

of workers the proper values to succeed in business and in life.

Let me leave you with a real-life story on parenting in the workplace. Some time

ago I was visiting with a CIO in Columbus, Ohio who took me on a tour of

his facility. Along the way, we happened upon a young programmer who

was new to the company. Frankly, he looked a little wet behind the ears and

had long hair over his collar. After the CIO introduced me to the young man, he

instructed him to go get a haircut. The young programmer, shot back

indignantly, “You can’t say that to me!”

The CIO turned calmly but deliberately to the programmer, and said,

“Yes I can. Watch,” then pointing to his mouth, “Get a haircut. Now!”

The programmer backed down and, to his credit, dutifully got a haircut.

I had just witnessed a little “Parenting Management” in action. The CIO

exercised his authority and had quickly instructed the newbie on one

of the rules to be observed in the workplace. The programmer’s biological

parents hadn’t instructed him properly, now it defaulted to his corporate

parent.

“Parenting Management” – Just remember, you heard it here first.

In 1970, 90% of all children under eighteen years of age lived in homes with two parents. In 2006, only 70% of children under eighteen years of age lived with two parents. Thus, the number of children living with one parent tripled from 8.5 million in 1970 to 20.6 million 2006. Clearly, single-parent families have become much more common across the United States. In highly urban areas, single parents lead a complex and difficult life. Concerns about crime, economic pressures, time demands, and the busy pace of life make single parenting a stressful challenge.

Single Parents Raising Kids, or SPARK, is an association of single parents living in Montgomery County in the State of Maryland in the United States. SPARK also covers single parents in areas near Montgomery County and Maryland.

SPARK was formed in 1987 by nine people who have successfully met the challenges of life as single parents. The founders’ goal was to give single parents the tools they need to deal with the stressful issues they already had faced and overcome.

About SPARK

Single Parents Raising Kids is a non-governmental organization whose mission is to build a community where single parents in the area can interact, build new friendships, and share their experiences.

SPARK provides a forum where single parents in Maryland can support each other, share their the lessons they’ve learned through their common experiences, and help members learn from their successes and their mistakes.

SPARK fulfills its mission by encouraging active participation of its members in a balanced program that fosters strong, happy families. The group offers social and educational opportunities for each member.

SPARK is an active organization that publishes a calendar of events each month to provide informal, friendly social gatherings where members can relax and enjoy building relationships with others who share their life experience.

Examples of such activities include concerts, movies, dinners, and classes that help members get to know each other and interact in comfortable, enjoyable surroundings.

SPARK Management and Operation

Not-for-profit SPARK exists solely to fulfill its advocacy role for and commitments to single parents. It is not involved in, nor does it support, any other causes or organizations.

SPARK exists as a social support group. It does not generate income for its founders, leaders, or members. Its only compensation is the satisfaction of knowing that it creates the opportunity for support, social interaction, and sharing of hard-earned wisdom for its single parent members.

SPARK is directed and operated by volunteers. Operating expenses are funded entirely through voluntary contributions from and raised by its single parent members.
Based in Maryland and covering nearby states, SPARK is open to all single parents with children under eighteen years of age, whether or not the parent has legal custody of the child or children.

SPARK’s Purpose

The Single Parents Raising Kids organization’s purpose is to give members practical, constructive ideas for resolving social, emotional, and monetary problems that come with single parenthood. SPARK provides social situations where single parents know they are not alone. With this in mind, SPARK gives single parents opportunities for:

• Participation with other single parents in wholesome and fun activities.

• Learning and generating more knowledge about problems and solutions for single parents.

• Sharing what they have learned that could benefit other single parents.

Reflections on Single Parenting

Today’s single parents are more fortunate than those in the past generations. The days when single parents were ostracized or looked down by the society have passed. Today, single parenthood doesn’t carry the stigma and social burden associated in the old days with a failing marriage or pregnancy out of wedlock.

The single parents of today are lucky to have available to them the opportunity to enjoy the support and issue-oriented groups and activities to help them out meet the burdens of raising children alone.

Organizations like SPARK could have helped many a single parent in the past. But it’s better late than never. Thank God, single parents can now get support from SPARK.

Having enjoyed success in making life better for single parents in the area, SPARK hopes the approach will expand from Maryland to the rest of the world.

To learn more about the organization or get information on events, contact SPARK headquarters at SPARK Incorporated, PO Box 288, Rockville, Maryland 20848.

According to Wikipedia, mono parents are parents without partners in raising a child or children. Thus, a mono parent is one who raises his or her bud solely and lonely, spouseless.

Illustrations on mono parents will be at variance from place to place. Each societal mannerism treats and classifies them to their accord.

Treatment of mono parents modify according to where they are put up. Mono parents in urban areas are dealt with in a more positive manner in contrast to those from rural areas.

Mono parenting has become a widespread scenario in today’s lifestyle. But not all cultures receive this change in the way of living, with a positive outlook.

Mono parents- Their practicality

The mother or father is left to raise the bud, companionless, due to various causes and reasons.

They are singled out due to reasons like annulment, mutual separation (break-up), one of them is imprisoned or has kicked the bucket.

The so called parent, who raises the bud, is not necessary to be blood related to that bud. The DNA affirmation does not really count to classify him or her as a mono parent.

Parenting singly is a mere option opted by the person, if the bud is not his or her organic child. Opting to raise another person’s bud is an aristocratic gesture.

As per the latest research, mono parents should get hold of their bud either legally or by adopting or by getting pregnant, unnaturally, or by becoming the surrogate mother.

Thus, mono parenting is a personal option, depending on one’s own individuality. Bringing up a kid is a strenuous task and a costly affair, considering the present standard of living. Mono parenting might not always be successful.
In a few places, where the lifestyle of people is still passé, mono parents are regarded pariah. The reason is that, in those days, parenting children who are not born to them or raising a kid companionless, was considered as sin.

Mono parenting – Today’s Fashion

Latest reports, taken in US, states that, on normal standards, thirty percent of the kids are raises in households of mono parents.

Parents, who are single, are dominantly mothers. The impact of mono parenting is more dawned upon mothers who are singled out. But, mono parents in fatherly figures, are also on a rise.

The male being a mono parent is a widespread scenario in Muslim dominated areas, due to the fact that they are yet to acknowledge the capability of a woman.

According to the 2002 poll taken in US, kids growing under the father’s in charge was around ten plus five percent of parenthood. But this data has increased one tenth, over the decade.

Thus, its is inferred that in the 20th century, male gender shouldering the responsibility of raising a child was not prominent and such a scenario has changed adversely, as the lifestyle of people shifted.

Mono parenthood

Flow through the life, is what our living preaches us. Mono parenting has become a common gesture in our day to day life. Accept the change. Live the way you want.

Mono parenting, a sin, has become passé. The kids raised parents are not seen indifferently now. In fact, present regulations are in favor of such parents and children and the kids are protected from close minded people, by these legislations.

Nowadays, mono parenthood has become a part and parcel of the societal mannerisms. In fact, mono parents are acknowledged and appreciated for their strength of will and aristocratic gesture.

The number of single-parent families is increasing everywhere. The 2002 US Census found that three of every ten children were living in a single-parent home. Experts believe the number to be steadily increasing and expect the trend to continue for years to come.

Increasing acceptance of divorce as a solution to marital problems is one social factor supporting the increase in single-parent families. With that acceptance has come greater tolerance for parents without partners.

Single parents face many challenges. They must earn a living and raise their children without the help and support of another adult at home. They face financial difficulties if they don’t receive child support or have a big salary. Their time is over-booked with work, household duties, parent-teacher conferences and PTA meetings, and attempts at private time for rest and relaxation.

Support systems for single parents are growing, but they still frequently feel isolated and alone. New single-parents must cope with children who are having their own problems adjusting to the new lifestyle. They may face anger, feelings of abandonment, and rebelliousness from children who feel they don’t get enough attention.

Although there are no clear census data on the number of single black fathers, experts assume the number to be increasing as well. They express concern that single black fathers may face more pressure than other single parents due to continuing social discrimination, despite less political or legal discrimination.

Many experts assume that males are less equipped to be single parents than females, arguing that men don’t receive the same level of training in domestic tasks and that women are naturally more nurturing care-givers. However, other professionals assert that men are more likely to be objective and logical in their decision-making for the household and that they are more consistent in disciplining their children that women are.

Interviews of African American full-time single fathers conduced by Robert Coles of Marquette University explored why they wanted to be full-time fathers. When the men talked about their motivations, they listed fulfilling their responsibilities, reworking their own feelings about their absent fathers, being a role model, and maintaining an established relationship with their children.

Several new studies have been conducted by experts and psychologists trying to learn more about black single-parenting. There are also a number of websites containing information and advice focusing on the black male’s single-parenting experience.
The following articles are examples of the literature available on the Internet targeting black male single parents.

1. “Parent Trapped: Dating for Single Parents.” Penned anonymously by a male single parent, this article talks about the author’s experiences with dating as a single parent. Assuming his experiences can be generalized to other men and to black single fathers, readers can relate to his joys and challenges.

2. “The Bad Rap Against Mothers.” This article was published in a popular main-stream magazine several years ago, but it remains fresh and relevant. Its author is a single mother who was abandoned by her black male partner.

3. “The Bad Rap Against Mothers, Part 2.” A second part to the previous article, Part 2 more carefully describes and analyzes the challenges presented by single parenthood for mothers. The author imagines what life might have been if she had been the one to leave the relationship. Explaining her argument, the author believes that single parents are well-positioned to raise “exceptional men” who have good manners and lofty principles.

4. “Come Back Home” inspiring excerpt is from the popular “Chicken Soup for the Single Parent: Stories of Hope, Healing and Humor.” This selection acknowledges that everyone’s experience with single parenting is highly personal and that each single parent has their own story to tell.

5. “Get More Time with your Children and Manage Your Child Support” was written for black single-parent males, but it will be equally touching and valuable for white single fathers. The article gives insights into the personal and financial issues single-parent males face.

6. “Dreaming Through the Twilight” is as sweet and mushy as its title but at the same time profound. It is also available as a book that compiles personal diary-type articles on black single-parent males having difficulty coping with their life as single parents.